They dressed me in a paper gown
and then they locked the door.
In a windowless, tableless, chairless room
all I could do was stare at the floor.
They cut all my hair so I won’t use a strand
as the string that would set myself free:
They took from me all means to take my own life
so that they in the end could kill me.
Let me just have a pen and some ink to write
all the words that no one can see.
But a pen is a sword
and my wish is ignored
and my gown remains empty like me.
I knew my babes were innocent,
they were too young to die.
But when I went to part this world
their souls I first let fly.
They slept on the backseat, did not feel a thing
when my car was engulfed by the waves
Yet when I felt the waters that crept up my shins
there was something that urged to be saved.
Let me just have a pen and some ink to write
all the words that no one can see.
But a pen is a sword
and my wish is ignored
and my gown remains empty like me.
My lawyer claims I’ve lost my mind
he says I’m not to blame.
And each man paid to save my neck
would likely do the same.
Yet never he asks why I did what I’ve done
for committing such heinous a crime
I pray they could just let me end what I started –
instead, they are playing for time.
Let me just have a pen and some ink to write
all the words that no one can see.
But a pen is a sword
and my wish is ignored
and my gown remains empty like me.
The prosecutor wants my head,
with which I would gladly part.
How can someone as bad as me
still have a beating heart?
But all time till the trial starts,
if e’ver the day I’ll see,
here in purgatory I am trapped
forced to live, and yet worse, forced to be.
Let me just have a pen and some ink to write
all the words that no one can see.
But a pen is a sword
and my wish is ignored
and my gown remains empty like me.
Inspiriert von einem amerikanischen Kriminalfall aus den 1990ern: Suizidgefährdete Untersuchungsgefangene bekamen Kleider aus Papier, damit sie sich nicht vor dem Prozess daran erhängen konnten.
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Text und Melodie © 2012 by Thesilée